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- thanks to those who left comments/emailed in response to 10159. i appreciate the bio suggestions and husband advice. now, my apologies for a longer post...

...most of the readers of this blog are aware of this, but for clarity's sake, i'll reiterate this fact: i am getting married in june and then moving to boston, which means that my CTK time is coming to an end. a frequent topic of conversation with amy has to do with me leaving CTK and going to another church (in fact this was a big part of our conversation last night). as i mentioned in the last post, a major thought swirling about in my head right now concerns how to leave durango well. that sounds like a really nice thing to say, but much harder to know what exactly that looks like.

some classic advice on the subject goes along these lines: "you want to leave_____better than when you got there." well, that's not too hard (or too helpful) as there was nothing here before and now there is something. other classic advice has to do with maintaining relationships and not burning bridges...this is really important (as i've learned before), and i will try with all my heart to do this well.

further complicating the issue is that this is an interesting time for CTK-Durango, as we are experiencing our first season of big change, especially in the original core of people who moved here to start this campus. it is a little scary, but also exciting to watch as new leaders emerge (or as people just take on more responsibility). it is hard to be part of the reason that this transition has to happen, but i want to try to be helpful in this moment as much as possible.

so while there are definite areas where i can be helpful, the trickier issue for me as i leave, i htink, is going to be my attitude towards the new church community i join. i am really excited about amy's church, reunion. they are a church plant and they have the same 3 core values that CTK holds. i've met some of the staff and they seem like really cool people. i think what they are doing is great and i resonate with a lot of their philosophies and their approach to minsitry.

but i still sense a bitterness and frustration creeping into my soul. will i be able to just "go" to church? will i be able to submit to leaders i don't know as well as i know here? will i be able to be a part of a church that i am not actively shaping/leading? i struggle with these questions right now.

i know that i don't want to be that guy that sits in the back with his arms crossed thinking "i used to do this," or "i could do this better." i don't want to be the "crabby-ex-church-planter" guy contsantly quoting the churchy books i've and criticizing everything i see. dear Lord, i don't want to be that guy. but i know that it can be so easy for me to be that guy.

a couple of weeks ago, in farmington, we were studying Luke 14:25-27, about the cost of following Jesus. again and again, Jesus points out that we cannot follow him on our own terms doing what we feel is comfortable. it will not be comfortable for me to go to another church at first, but i am trusting that at some point (hopefully sooner than later, especially for Amy's sake) i will be able to do this.

i know that church leadership is always going to be part of my life and i believe it is also part of my future. on wednesday night, on the way to farmington, chip spoke some amazing words of affirmation into my life about this very thing. last night, when i was going off about not wanting to be "crabby-ex-chuch-planter" guy, amy said, very profoundly, something to the extent of "you might be crabby but i think adding the 'ex' part is wrong." i needed to hear that.

well, that's my life right now...apologies again for the length. so, new comment thread: advice (please) on how to leave a place well, and how not to be a crabby member of reunion.