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man_up
Where have the good men gone? This is the pulsating heartbeat of Kay Hymowitz's writing in Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men in to Boys.
Long on critical analysis and short on answers, Hymowitz examines how "girl empowerment", the knowledge economy, and the extended state of "preadulthood" has shaped gender dynamics in the 21st century. The results (far from being anti-feminist) are fascinating, and hold tremendous implications for ministry and the church.
Consider:
"The child-man (think of any Adam Sandler/Will Ferrell comedy and you have the 'child-man') is the lost son of a host of economic and cultural changes: the demographic shift I call preadulthood, the Playboy philosophy, feminism, the wild west of our new media, and a shrugging iffiness on the subject of husbands and fathers. He has no life script, no special reason to grow up.
"Why should he grow up? No one needs him anyway."
You can read the introduction to the book (and the gist of her argument and most of the killer quotes) by clicking on this link.
There's much to said and debated about her writing, but it holds up in church too, I think. Last year we had 250 new students come to Reunion and fill out welcome cards. 185 of those were female. Tim, Sojourn's Director, spent some time recently with other campus ministry leaders and one of the hot topics of conversation was the lack of male leadership on campus. They asked the same questions: Where have the guys gone?
There are a lot of ways to go with this, so whatever I write here can only be the beginning of an ongoing conversation, but here are two thoughts I have at the moment. These thoughts, interestingly enough, come from another book I read recently: Open the autobiography of Andre Agassi.
1) Agassi repeats over and over: "God wants us to grow up." If anyone has actually led the child-man lifestyle it's been this guy. He describes it at great length in his book. However, when he "grows up" (i.e. starts focusing on tennis, gets married, has kids, starts a charitable foundation) he finds some level of peace in his life. He has a story to live. We need to recapture and recast things like marriage, fatherhood, generosity, and work in masculine terms. We need men to do these things and do them well. God wants us to grow up.
2) Along those same lines one of the most moving passages of the book occurs when Andre describes introducing his wife (Stefi Graf, the greatest women's tennis player of all time) at her Hall of Fame induction. He says: "Every man should have the chance to introduce his wife at her Hall of Fame induction ceremony." I agree! I think marriage is a particularly crucial aspect of recapturing a sense of manhood.
Older married men: tell younger men how great it is to be married, and tell them often.
I could go on and on with ideas that this book has generated. But I think those are two big starting points. Grow up and love your wife. We might have less books like one if more dudes did this.
road_trip
on sunday about 25 staff, spouses, and students headed up to Nashua, NH to help one of our biggest supporting churches with their Palm Sunday celebration. these experiences are great for several reasons, not the least of which is serving a church community that has been such a great partner, but one of the biggest is seeing our students out of their comfort zones in a completely different way. good times!!!
the_jugular (friday_reflections)
"pastoring is not managing a religious business but a spiritual quest." --eugene peterson
i recently re-read peterson's under the unpredictable plant. i read it in college and i didn't really get it back then. i have a present context (campus minister...which will be synonymous with pastor for the purposes of this post) that has brought his words to life in a new and fresh way.
the thrust of the book is to remind pastors (campus ministers) of their vocation: this is not just a religious job. peterson, perhaps better than any one else, 'gets' the trials and tribulations and temptations of pastors...to become a manager, to be a program director, to blame the congregation (or the students), to build something flashy and shiny and awesome (idols?) but avoid God at the same time.
i need that reminder and i need this (read pastor/campus minister where it says "he"): "God and passion. he spurned the fads and went for the jugular. he created. he lived immersed in passion. he lived expectant of God. and he did this vocationally, making a calling out of passion and God."
i love that. that makes my heart beat fast. pastors (campus ministers) live under an incredible burden of expectations: be nice, be loving, be wise, be there for me, be good, be a listener, be a doer, accomplish things, lead, manage, don't judge, don't screw up, don't be wrong, don't be late. i have rarely heard people say i want my pastor to be rooted in passion and God.
that makes me sad.
we need workers and producers of goods, we need healers and teachers. counselors, bankers, bakers, doctors, lawyers, street cleaners, bus drivers, engineers, business entrepreneurs. needed. necessary. all naming and ruling and co-creating with God. Genesis 1 and 2 type activities.
we also need pastors. campus ministers to confront us with Jesus, scripture, the cross, God.
pastors are wading in treacherous waters: the deepest, most primal, fundamental, wild realities of the universe. and it is easy to settle for less than God, to settle for god.
maybe we are afraid of passion and we are afraid of God. if our students (congregants) see nothing else (and it can be hard to see...so much of ministry is hidden)...i hope they see God and passion. i hope they see us going for the jugular. i hope they pray that for us.
i hope we pray that for all of us.
leadership
super excited about our leadership team for next year. spent some time yesterday (sunday) reviewing this year and dreaming about the fall. we should have around 20 leaders invested in Sojourn to kick things off in September. that is amazing and a huge step forward from where we were at this time last year. proud of these students, and stoked to see where they take us!
sunsets
views of the sunset last night from piers park in east boston.
student_lunch
amy and i (with a lot of help from our community group in eastie) hosted Sojourn's Student Lunch for April this past Sunday. with our current schedules it is not often that we get to serve together for extended periods of time, so this weekend was a lot of fun! we spent most of saturday shopping, cooking, planning, and prepping enchiladas, rice, and beans for sunday.
then sunday morning we set up, cooked, and served together all day. it was awesome! i love getting to work alongside amy, especially when we get to "parent" college students. here are more pics:
