...i have definite pacifist leanings. i'll admit that upfront. i don't know that i am fully committed to the position yet, but i do know that i can't, in good conscience, support the idea of redemptive violence (despite my love affair with mafia movies, vigilante movies, jack bauer, etc).
nonetheless, i found the following experience to be informative, troubling, and thought-provoking. two kids in my after school program were play wrestling while we were outside on the playground yesterday (friday). what started as fourth grade playfulness (between two pretty good buddies) quickly turned in to a real fight with punching and kicking and hurt feelings. it was quickly broken up and i found myself sitting on a bench with both of them on either side of me.
i explained to them how there is no fighting allowed at bird street, that they would be spending a certain amount of time out with me, and that they needed to apologize and promise to keep their hands off each other for the rest of our outside time. "yes, mr. steve," they said. when their time was up and apologies had been offered and accepted i sent them off for the final moments of outside play. immediately one of them (the shorter, stockier one) ran over to the other (taller) kid and punched him right in the gut.
"what are you doing?" i exclaimed. "my dad told me to hit people who picked on me," the kid said. "really," i thought, feeling i might have picked up the hint of a kid trying to pull one over on me.
when his dad came to pick him up we had a good conversation, but the father's bottom line was: "yes, we're teaching him to hit back," and his big line: "he's not going to be any one's punching bag." the dad went on to explain that his son has always been undersized and has been picked on a lot, much of it physically by kids bigger than him. his dad finally had enough and began putting him in self-defense classes and teaching him how to fight back and encouraging him to do so. he also told me that, "in this community you have to be strong...if you show weakness you'll get eaten alive."
hmmm...
what do i do with this? on the one hand i agree with the dad...i don't want this kid to go through school suffering beat down after beat down. i also know what he means about being assertive...what was considered a "life" skill in the world i grew up in is really a "survival" skill here.
but on the other hand i totally disagree with this father. how is teaching a kid fighting skills really going to change anything? the Gandhian quote applies here: "an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind."
which leads me to the definition of justice...i think a lot of times justice is thought of about in this way: get rid of injustice, get rid of violence, get rid of oppressive situations, etc, or get back at the one oppressing you. it's all about eliminating unjust conditions or simply trying to get some measure of restitution. i think it's more than that...it's not about avoiding bad things, it's about creating opportunities to be good. i hope that for this student, bird street, at least, can be a place where he can be good...where he doesn't have to worry about hitting back or standing up for himself, because, at least in that space, he is safe and respected and taken care of. that is a more compelling vision of justice, in my opinion, than just standing up for oneself or revenge.
5 comments:
I wished I had kicked the crap out of some kids growing up. I mean that.
I think with the boy he needs to respond IN THE MOMENT, defending instead of going on the attack. I think a BOY being hit and not fighting back gives the clear message of "You deserve this." But a MAN not fighting back has the resolve and maturity to get themselves out of the situation or deal with it calmly--kids don't have that feature.
There's a fine line between bully and defender, pacifist and doormat.
If someone is unjust towards the kid, it needs a response.
Oh, and I'm not using this blog to unleash my own issues. I'm just saying.
rmac, as always, great insight...
I have thought about this a lot as we try to raise our two kids. I agree with Ryan that there is something about the moment, but anything else is simply getting revenge, not defending yourself. It reminds me of a mass email someone sent me recently with pictures of a warship that was built using steel from the rubble at Ground Zero. The writer of the email was really excited about the fact that the destruction of the twin towers was being turned into a means of exacting revenge on the "enemy". It is the most tangible example I've seen of violence begetting more violence.
i really like your reflections steve. expecially about justice...thinking about it a new way. i am concerned about the pacifist thinking, though. maybe you can help me understand it? it's not that i am all pro-war or anything, probably quite the opposite, but i don't see how pacivism (sp?) is the answer? pacivism seems too "weak", "gentle", something i can't quite my finger on. it doesn't sound like Jesus to me - would a pacifist turn over tables in anger or speak so harshly to/about a group of people? no offense to Chip, but one of the only things i remember him teaching on in high school, but that has still stuck with me (!!), was: Meekness = strength under control." I love this idea...it sounds likes Jesus to me. is there an answer in it, maybe? hmmm...this is really interesting and good to think about. thanks for your thoughts!
matthew 5:38-48
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