man_up Where have the good men gone? This is the pulsating heartbeat of Kay Hymowitz's writing in Manning Up: How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men in to Boys. Long on critical analysis and short on answers, Hymowitz examines how "girl empowerment", the knowledge economy, and the extended state of "preadulthood" has shaped gender dynamics in the 21st century. The results (far from being anti-feminist) are fascinating, and hold tremendous implications for ministry and the church. Consider: "The child-man (think of any Adam Sandler/Will Ferrell comedy and you have the 'child-man') is the lost son of a host of economic and cultural changes: the demographic shift I call preadulthood, the Playboy philosophy, feminism, the wild west of our new media, and a shrugging iffiness on the subject of husbands and fathers. He has no life script, no special reason to grow up. "Why should he grow up? No one needs him anyway." You can read the introduction to the book (and the gist of her argument and most of the killer quotes) by clicking on this link. There's much to said and debated about her writing, but it holds up in church too, I think. Last year we had 250 new students come to Reunion and fill out welcome cards. 185 of those were female. Tim, Sojourn's Director, spent some time recently with other campus ministry leaders and one of the hot topics of conversation was the lack of male leadership on campus. They asked the same questions: Where have the guys gone? There are a lot of ways to go with this, so whatever I write here can only be the beginning of an ongoing conversation, but here are two thoughts I have at the moment. These thoughts, interestingly enough, come from another book I read recently: Open the autobiography of Andre Agassi. 1) Agassi repeats over and over: "God wants us to grow up." If anyone has actually led the child-man lifestyle it's been this guy. He describes it at great length in his book. However, when he "grows up" (i.e. starts focusing on tennis, gets married, has kids, starts a charitable foundation) he finds some level of peace in his life. He has a story to live. We need to recapture and recast things like marriage, fatherhood, generosity, and work in masculine terms. We need men to do these things and do them well. God wants us to grow up. 2) Along those same lines one of the most moving passages of the book occurs when Andre describes introducing his wife (Stefi Graf, the greatest women's tennis player of all time) at her Hall of Fame induction. He says: "Every man should have the chance to introduce his wife at her Hall of Fame induction ceremony." I agree! I think marriage is a particularly crucial aspect of recapturing a sense of manhood. Older married men: tell younger men how great it is to be married, and tell them often. I could go on and on with ideas that this book has generated. But I think those are two big starting points. Grow up and love your wife. We might have less books like one if more dudes did this.
on sunday about 25 staff, spouses, and students headed up to Nashua, NH to help one of our biggest supporting churches with their Palm Sunday celebration. these experiences are great for several reasons, not the least of which is serving a church community that has been such a great partner, but one of the biggest is seeing our students out of their comfort zones in a completely different way. good times!!!
the_jugular (friday_reflections) "pastoring is not managing a religious business but a spiritual quest." --eugenepeterson i recently re-read peterson'sunder the unpredictable plant. i read it in college and i didn't really get it back then. i have a present context (campus minister...which will be synonymous with pastor for the purposes of this post) that has brought his words to life in a new and fresh way. the thrust of the book is to remind pastors (campus ministers) of their vocation: this is not just a religious job. peterson, perhaps better than any one else, 'gets' the trials and tribulations and temptations of pastors...to become a manager, to be a program director, to blame the congregation (or the students), to build something flashy and shiny and awesome (idols?) but avoid God at the same time. i need that reminder and i need this (read pastor/campus minister where it says "he"): "God and passion. he spurned the fads and went for the jugular. he created. he lived immersed in passion. he lived expectant of God. and he did this vocationally, making a calling out of passion and God." i love that. that makes my heart beat fast. pastors (campus ministers) live under an incredible burden of expectations: be nice, be loving, be wise, be there for me, be good, be a listener, be a doer, accomplish things, lead, manage, don't judge, don't screw up, don't be wrong, don't be late. i have rarely heard people say i want my pastor to be rooted in passion and God. that makes me sad. we need workers and producers of goods, we need healers and teachers. counselors, bankers, bakers, doctors, lawyers, street cleaners, bus drivers, engineers, business entrepreneurs. needed. necessary. all naming and ruling and co-creating with God. Genesis 1 and 2 type activities. we also need pastors. campus ministers to confront us with Jesus, scripture, the cross, God. pastors are wading in treacherous waters: the deepest, most primal, fundamental, wild realities of the universe. and it is easy to settle for less than God, to settle for god. maybe we are afraid of passion and we are afraid of God. if our students (congregants) see nothing else (and it can be hard to see...so much of ministry is hidden)...i hope they see God and passion. i hope they see us going for the jugular. i hope they pray that for us. i hope we pray that for all of us.
super excited about our leadership team for next year. spent some time yesterday (sunday) reviewing this year and dreaming about the fall. we should have around 20 leaders invested in Sojourn to kick things off in September. that is amazing and a huge step forward from where we were at this time last year. proud of these students, and stoked to see where they take us!
student_lunch amy and i (with a lot of help from our community group in eastie) hosted Sojourn's Student Lunch for April this past Sunday. with our current schedules it is not often that we get to serve together for extended periods of time, so this weekend was a lot of fun! we spent most of saturday shopping, cooking, planning, and prepping enchiladas, rice, and beans for sunday. then sunday morning we set up, cooked, and served together all day. it was awesome! i love getting to work alongside amy, especially when we get to "parent" college students. here are more pics:
updates_and_thoughts in no particular order: 1) on thursday Northeastern goes before the Student Government for our final approval to become an RSO (registered student organization) at that campus. pray for us! 2) finished A Band of MiSFits...thoroughly enjoyed reliving the Giants' run to the World Series title last year. 3) speaking of baseball, check out BaseballMonk whenever you get a chance...our "viewership" is ever increasing over there and it continues to be a fun outlet. btw: 2 days until the season starts! 4) amy and i are now both back in boston, together, for the indefinite future. the last two weeks saw us traveling apart from each other (i went to KY with students and she went to NC for a PT conference). both trips were good but it is GREAT to be back together. this has been the most time we've spent apart since we were married. funny story: i used to think one of the hardest parts about being married would be sleeping in the same bed (i am a sprawler =), but i do not sleep as well by myself now which is an interesting discovery. 5) also finished Love Wins...i defer to Eugene Peterson' comment on the book: it's about elevating our conversation and expanding our imagination. 6) much time is being spent towards ending the semester well with students and setting ourselves up for what should be an incredible fall! 7) very much looking forward to the weather warming up. 8) should have a post up by the end of the week on Manning Up and its implications for the church and collegiate ministry. that's it for now...
tutoring this completely hilarious picture was taken last night at our first "real" gathering of students and tutors at St. Mary's in Dorchester (St. Mary's is where we had our recent ReadRetreatServe and with whom Sojourn has been developing a partnership over the last year). St. Mary's has been a focal launch point for Episcopal City Tutoring. our students at UMASS-Boston have jumped on this program and are helping run a supplemental aspect of the tutoring curriculum over the next ten weeks. this has been a long time coming for us and it is encouraging to see these UMASS students stick around long enough to see their faithfulness and hard work rewarded. i am also really impressed with the high school students we get to work with (two of whom you can see on the right...the others bailed on the picture!). these are some driven, hard working, ambitious young people!! it's going to be exciting to watch this develop and I am eager to see this great group of people work together (although it is pretty clear we struggle to make a good picture happen).
storytelling last week 11 staff and students spent the week in lexington, ky, working alongside the Fuller Center for Housing. we helped rehab two homes on the boston court (nice!) block of the shawnee neighborhood. aside from the work done on houses the week served as an experiment in telling better stories for our students. i loved watching them jump into this experience completely and was blown away by their enthusiasm for each other and for better stories. there are so many things i could share, but i will narrow it down to two: first, i have never seen a more mature group of students on a trip of this nature. i was continually humbled by the grace they extended to us (as staff), each other, and in the midst of difficult circumstances (we had some bad weather and some REALLY hard work). no trip is conflict free, and that is not the goal, but the way in which these students responded to each challenge demonstrated a maturity beyond their years. and i am super impressed by each one of them. second, i have never seen a group of students so genuinely interested in each other. no one turned the tv on all week. no one got lost on their computer or their phone. even on the long ride home, when it would have made total sense to sleep or put the headphones in and tune out, they continued to ask each other questions and engage one another with genuine curiosity. they loved each other well and respected each other, and as a result there was a lot of space to explore relationships and God's movement through each other. truly amazing to watch. thank you to those who were praying for us during the week. here are a few more pics:
spring break = road trip! this week (tomorrow through next saturday) i'll be down with some of our students in Louisville, KY on the Fuller Center'sDerby City Build. Pray that this would be a formative moment for our students, for me, and for our ministry. pics and updates when i return!
layers (friday_reflections) i think that if you do life right you spend your first 25 years accumulating layers, the next 25 peeling those layers away, and the last however many years you live just letting it all hang out. this is a gross oversimplification, but i do think the central idea is true: maturity is all about delayering, if you will. maybe another way of putting it is this. i think we equate maturity with more: more patience, more kindness, more joy, more love. but i would argue maturity is about less busyness, less attatchment to things, less clutter (physically and spiritually). i can sense already some push back to this "negative" stance (sounds too buddhist!). but i think scripture supports this (for example and for another) and i know my experience certainly does. the delayering for me began with marriage (in my humble opinion it has to start here, if it hasn't already, or you are in for a short marriage). then it became vocational. then it started to affect the way i dress, which is pretty superficial... ...but i can feel it getting deeper and deeper. soul delayering. i know that i am in the middle of a moment of significance in my story but i can't put my finger on what that means quite yet. i do know that it feels like getting rid of layers. that i am identifying less and less with external sub-cultures and other markers, and more and more with inner convictions. so there's that. more later.
something_i_learned_from_opera (friday_reflections) i have friend who is a grad student at the Boston Conservatory. he is studying opera. as in, he is a real life opera singer. (we have the privilege of knowing some crazy talented people here in boston). i was asking him about grad school and his program and he was telling me how long it takes to hone this particular craft. then he said this: "i hope to be able to make it as a singer, but a lot depends on how my voice ages." "what does that mean?" i asked. and he went on to explain that the voice changes as we age and this can have a dramatic impact on the career of opera singers and the types of roles they can perform. he told me that for most tenors they can only take on the most prestigious and dramatic roles as they get older because as the voice ages it becomes more heroic! how about that. a 25 year old opera stud can have all the talent in the world, work harder than anyone else, train like crazy, and still be years away from being able to fully embody certain roles in the opera canon. fascinating. a lot of these friday reflections have focused on aging. i guess turning 30 does that to you? anyway, i'm sure there are many facets of this idea that i could play out, i mean there's a sermon in this metaphor is there not? i'm sure a true opera aficionado* would take issue with how i am interpreting this information, but the idea of the heroic voice gives me hope and offers a challenge. is my "voice" becoming more heroic as i age?
*according to dan there are two general types of tenor voices: lyric and dramatic (neither is considered to be better than the other). the dramatic tenor can age in to the heroic roles. here are a couple of great examples of a heroic/dramatic tenor (schicoff and domingo). for comparison here's an example of a lyric tenor.
stuff_that_happened_this_weekend we held our fourth ReadRetreatServe event with sojourn on saturday. 25 students, staff, and volunteers joined together for an immersion experience with one of our neighborhood initiative partnerships. i am particularly excited about some of the conversations coming out of the weekend as there is a new wave of students involved with sojourn who, before yesterday, weren't familiar at all with this aspect of who we are and what we do. we spent the morning reading and talking about God's justice and his heart for the oppressed at St. Mary's (where our UMASS students tutor high school kids). we heard some stories of folks who have intentionally moved to the upham's corner/quincy street/dudley street sub-neighborhood of dorchester to live this out. we ended the day with an interactive tour of the neighborhood and some practical next steps for students to take. i thought the day turned out great and each element brought a particular aspect of the conversation to life for our students. i am stoked to see what happens next! check out the slide show:
oh, and then today amy and i participated in foxborough's old fashioned ten miler (amy as an employee of marathon physical therapy and me as a runner). if you've been following me for a while you will remember that i ran in a trail race circuit in durango. a couple of thoughts...one, those were trail races and at high elevation so i actually thought they were all harder than this run even though it was a couple miles longer than i've ever run before...two, there were a LOT more people in this race than any i ran in CO...three, i actually surprised myself considering my running has been very spotty in january and february with the snow (i was hoping for a 10 minute mile pace and i actually beat 9!). ps. if you check out the results you will notice that the winner was from dorchester!
books finished this book today. absolutely amazing. i experienced a wide range of reactions to his ideas: everything from wanting to throw the book out the window to standing up and cheering. in the next 2-3 years someone (rob bell?) will write the popular version of this thesis and everyone will be talking about it. important stuff...challenging stuff. his conclusion is very close to mcknight's in a community called atonement, but he comes at it from a different academic discipline. a must read for anyone who is in any type of position of influence.
seasons (friday_reflections) **some friday thoughts on seasons (on a monday to boot). another disclaimer: i don't usually like cheesy metaphors, but hang with me, this is real!** this is my fifth winter of snow, my fifth calendar year with four distinct seasons. winter is hard...especially now that we are getting in to what i call "dirty winter." (dirty winter is when you have a nasty mixture of brown/black snow and ice along with trash, debris, salt, and a bunch of other junk..it's gross). winter is hard, but i love living with seasons. just when you think you can't handle any more snow, spring comes and the cycle continues. here in new england i think we all wish spring and fall lasted a little longer, but there is something comforting and even spiritual about the natural rhythm produced by the changing seasons. i kind of like that winter is hard. not to over spiritualize things but we go through difficult seasons...we have seasons of "dirty winter" that are just gross...or we go through times that are just challenging...we long for spring...for something new...for rebirth. this is not a new metaphor. i have almost been on staff with Sojourn for two years. so far, it's been a great time, but a lot of it could be characterized as a winter season. we've spent a lot of time doing "winter" things...hidden things...under the radar things. things like simplifying and clarifying our language and process. and things like getting organized. and things like investing in a smaller number of leaders and students. frustrating things. things that don't always fit with the ideal of "growth." but now we are in a spring season...lots of growth, energy, excitement, etc. and this is great. in fact, this semester has been the most fun for me so far. as we continue to grow and work through the implications of "more" and the tension of remaining organic and relational, i know that there will be even harder "falls" and "winters" ahead. new challenges and new ways to experience the seasonal cycle. but that's what seasons are all about: growth, life, enjoyment, struggle, death, rebirth. repeat. and repeat. and repeat again. success isn't about extending a spring or a summer indefinitely but about being faithful in each of the seasons with what each one requires. and i like that. i like seasons.
